


Call Boy- Extras

by L1av



Series: Call Boy [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Outtakes, Sex Worker AU, Steve POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 18:29:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4971733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L1av/pseuds/L1av
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Additional scenes or alternative scenes from Steve's point of view from the fic, Call Boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an outtake that occurred between chapter 3 and 4 of Call Boy while Bucky was taking a nap in Steve’s arms.

_“Because you actually care or because you’re getting paid to care?”_

Steve repeated the words over and over in his mind, mulling them through the deep wedges of his brain, straining them out into his frontal lobe and pressing them against the back of his eyes. Did he care? Or did he want to get paid? 

Bucky had been _fixed_ on the idea that Steve was only being nice because he was being paid, and of course that was half true. Steve was getting paid and he had to act a certain way with his client. He had to make sure the client’s needs were fulfilled. That didn’t mean he had to go above and beyond the call of duty though. There were plenty of clients Steve showed up for, smiled when they told him to and went home with a thick wad of cash.

He was willing to _fight_ for Bucky. To fight _with_ him. Getting paid or not wasn’t relevant when Steve analyzed what made a person good or not. Bucky was a good person. He was just lost, confused and Steve wouldn’t mention it, but Bucky was abused. 

Whether it be Natasha or Tony, Bucky was abused. The perceptions of others molded Bucky like soft clay and he could only bend and twist so far before the edges of his skin would break and he’d dry out into dust. Bucky was lost because he was fighting for a job that Steve was slightly convinced he was only fighting for because he saw no other option. 

Bucky never talked about his job and that was the whole reason they were here, right? To help Bucky get a better job…within his job. But he never told Steve about it. Never talked about he wanted to change the ad industry or put some new artistic spin on it. Never talked to Steve about how Steve used to be an artist and if he had any ideas. Not that Steve was expecting that last part but usually when people learned he could draw that was the subject they’d dive on. Bucky deflected. 

Bucky avoided talking about his job except when it was staring at him in the face; when Tony was staring him in the face. Bucky never mentioned how happy this job made him and the reasons why he needed the partnership. He just…needed it? Because someone told him he did.

Because _Natasha_ told him he did. Steve wouldn’t make the mistake of telling Bucky he was abused again, but Steve knew it. Bucky was a victim of emotional and even slight physical abuse. Natasha joking about how chubby Bucky used to be? That’d been entirely uncalled for. Steve would _never_ call out an ex on gaining some pounds. Natasha had. She’d twisted her words right up against Bucky’s spine and shoved them forward into his heart and Steve saw the dull pain that wafted into those big, big, _pretty_ eyes. 

Yes, Bucky was pretty. Beyond pretty. He had a jaw that Steve wanted to kiss day in and day out. Had lips that Steve just wanted to see smile up at him. He wanted to wrap Bucky in so much positive energy and safety that Bucky would realize his previous relationship had been an illusion, that it still was an illusion. 

Steve was only human. When a client with pouty lips and an _ass_ like that walked into his life… he’d be remiss to ignore the chance. But Steve knew better. Knew not to get too close. Not to let himself– fall. 

Pretty faces were simply pretty faces with money and holes in their hearts. Steve was an object– a toy, a science experiment. He’d fill those holes, take the money and let those pretty faces figure their problems out and then… they wouldn’t need Steve anymore. Or they’d get married and then that was an abrupt way to lose a client.

Bucky was figuring out who he was. He’d eventually figure out what kind of man he was attracted to and he’d venture into that territory when he was good and ready. Sure, he’d use Steve to learn how to be _with_ a man and Steve would never complain but he’d move on one day. Steve had been in this situation before. Been face-to-face with a man so beautiful that it’d hurt. A man who didn’t know what he wanted but knew he wanted men. Steve taught him everything and then the man stopped calling for Steve. 

Steve eventually worked the courage up to ring Erik Lehnsherr only to experience the unpleasant hushed tones from a “married man” and that “Steve was just a phase.” A good phase apparently, but one that led him to his husband, Charlie and that they were to never speak again. 

Steve knew this story. He’d been down it before and he’d probably go down it again. It didn’t matter how pretty Bucky was. It didn’t matter how many times Steve could see Bucky crumbling before him and Steve was the only one there to shield him from the venom that spewed from others’ mouths. It didn’t matter how tightly he held Bucky right now or the way those sleepy eyes were looking up at him, catching the afternoon sun like gems behind a waterfall. Bucky would figure himself out and move on. 

The pretty ones always landed on their feet. And Steve was confident enough that Bucky would do the same. 

“Wh’time issit?” Bucky slurred, pressing his face into Steve’s chest. 

“You’ve got another hour,” Steve cooed. “Go back to sleep.”

“Kay,” Bucky whispered, nuzzling against Steve, wrapping his arms and legs around him. 

Steve closed his eyes, feeling his heart fill with barbed nails. He’d been down this road before. 

Bucky would land on his feet. It didn’t matter what Steve said or did. Bucky was a client. He paid for a service. Steve provided that service. 

There’d be a day when Bucky didn’t need Steve anymore; a day when he was partner at a firm he probably didn’t really enjoy working at but he’d be making money. He’d probably find some cute guy with a goofy smile at a Starbucks and this guy would never have the body Steve had, but he’d be exactly what Bucky needed. Bucky would eventually stop calling Steve. 

But that didn’t matter. Not really. Steve loved his job. He loved fixing people. He loved lifting them up and making them feel so much better than their mundane lives allowed. He loved sex and the feel of being raw and sore the next morning. He loved slipping his hole over a man’s cock as much as he loved pushing his hips deep between a woman’s thighs. He loved the faces he’d see as he brought people over the edge and he’d continue to love it long after Bucky Barnes stopped calling. 

This wasn’t some magical fairy tale where the escort would be “saved” by the client and would stop their profession. Even if Bucky was stupid enough to confess any feelings for Steve, Steve would never, _ever_ quit his job. 

Steve lived by simple rules. Don’t let a client tie him up and don’t let a client fall in love with him. Those rules kept food on his table and fancy suits in his closets. It didn’t matter how much he liked Bucky Barnes. It didn’t matter that Steve wanted to catch those tears that slipped from such _blue_ eyes. It didn’t matter that Steve could see himself falling in love with the man he was holding to so tight. He wouldn’t let himself. 

His job kept food on the table. Kept him happy. And clients, no matter how much they appeared to be different– were all the same. 

The ugly ones desperate to pretend to be something they weren’t before going back to lives they were content to say they enjoyed, and the pretty ones were only around long enough to work through shit they wanted changed. 

Bucky was so very much one of the pretty ones. He’d figure it out. 

He wouldn’t need Steve forever– just long enough. 

But _God_ , to Steve, it’d never be enough. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 during the hotel scene as seen from Steve's POV.  
> Enjoy :)

Steve arrived right at 9PM. He’d dressed in his best Armani suit. He felt like shit but he still wanted to put in the effort to look his best. Ever since meeting Bucky Barnes, Steve’s life had changed and he wasn’t entirely sure if it was for better or worse. Bucky was great. Beautiful, adorable and innocent. Steve’s heart squeezed each time he thought of seeing Bucky, getting the man to smile or laugh. He ached to hold him, to wrap him up in his arms and just nuzzle his face against the brunet’s. But everything else around them? It was coming down, shattering like a chandelier in the middle of a party, leaving a deathly silent pause in its wake.

Natasha was pissed at Bucky. And of course it wasn’t just the simple cold shoulder. Her abusive nature pushed those boundaries and flooded over into Steve’s life. She’d found out something that Steve desperately wanted to leave behind, a blight on his past, a stain on his heart. He wasn’t always a good person. He didn’t honestly think he was a good person now, but back then…  
Steve walked into the room, his jaw clenched. He went over to the wet bar and pulled out a beer. He needed to calm down. Vivid flashes of what he’d done with Natasha several nights before floated to the backs of his eyes, spattering against them and forcing him to relive each and every painful moment. The way she grabbed his hair, pulled his cock close, let him slip inside her. He’d enjoyed it. He hated that he’d enjoyed it. She was warm and soft and she moved with such precision that Steve was disgusted how easily he’d come. She’d brought him over the edge again and again and the things she’d say to him… Things about Bucky, intimate things. The way he liked a certain position best, the way he used to moan her name. Things Steve had no right hearing and yet she professed them like gospel to wound Steve.

He’d left crying.

Bucky sighed, leaning against the desk. “Have a good week?” Bucky ventured.

  
“It was interesting,” Steve shot back, his eyes serious. “Learned a few things about myself.” He didn’t want to cry. Bucky cried so easily and regardless of how Steve felt about Bucky being the most beautiful crier he’d ever seen, he wouldn’t let Bucky see the same on his face. Natasha had poured her venom in Steve, coating his veins and forcing his nerves to feel her, pressed against him, rocking back and forth.

And what she knew…

Steve gulped down the beer, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes. _‘Don’t you dare, don’t you dare!’_

“Like?”

“That I trust people too easily,” Steve responded. “That I’m hopelessly ill-equipped to understand advertising agency politics and if you really want a secret kept, you kill the other person who knows it.” He felt guilty saying this. His voice was rough but with each syllable his body was breaking. He’d come to care too much for Bucky at a neck-breaking speed. He found himself mumbling out his name as other clients got him to come. He’d started spooning his pillow at night because he was now painfully aware of how alone he felt without Bucky there.

Bucky’s mouth dropped open, the whites of his eyes exposing. “What’d she do to you?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Steve answered, taking a swig from his beer. He’d almost emptied the bottle and it did nothing for his anguished nerves. “Do you want me on the bed?” He started to take off his tie.

He was an escort and sex was his job. He’d provide that service day in and day out for Bucky. No matter the dirt Natasha had on Steve, no matter the pain that penetrated his heart like a cold arrow. He’d still perform his job for Bucky.  
Bucky crossed the room, grabbing Steve’s wrists. “W- No. Wait!” He didn’t pull his hands back, Steve didn’t move either. He let his fingers caress down Steve’s collarbone and down his chest, cupping the muscle. Steve’s lips twitched in a smile. Bucky did love his “tits.”

Bucky stared at Steve’s chest, licking his lips in thought. “We need to talk.”  
Steve’s heart was shredding against his sternum. He hated those words. Those words were either the beginning of an end to a client’s relationship or professions of how they felt and Steve didn’t want to hear either. He wasn’t foolish. Bucky handled Steve with a gentle air of affection. He looked at Steve with those big, dopey eyes and he was always, always so selfless for him. Steve wasn’t foolish…he knew how Bucky felt. But it wasn’t something Steve was ready to touch. Steve couldn’t fall in love with another client. He couldn’t!  
He’d been hurt before and Bucky was enticing. Beautiful eyes, plump lips and an innocence that Steve didn’t see anymore. Bucky was a lost soul and it was in Steve’s very nature to want to reach out and protect that. Steve wanted this, yes. He wanted to pull Bucky to him, to tell him how he felt and admit that he was falling in love with his client but it wasn’t right! It wasn’t ethical! Escorts didn’t get to love. They just provided the illusion for others. It wasn’t right…

“Don’t–” Steve began, but Bucky cut him off.

“Steve it’s not fair–”

“–say it, please don’t say it.” Tears stung his eyes again, threatening to fall but Steve absolutely refused to let them.

“–to you. I care about you,” Bucky admitted. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to but you…You’re all I think about.”

Steve sighed heavily, dropping down onto the bed and pushing his face into his hands. It was coming. It was coming and he couldn’t push it back. Bucky would put it out in the air and Steve’s heart would leap from his throat and soak up every bit of affection it could find. It’d drink in Bucky’s feelings and become so hopelessly addicted and Steve knew better. He knew this ending. Bucky would move on from him one day. He’d grow tired of his escort and he’d move on.

They always did.

He groaned, messing up his hair with one hand. “I told you not to say it.”

“So you knew?” Bucky shot back. “What, you were just gonna pretend like it didn’t matter?”

“Yes!” Steve snapped. “That’s what we’re _supposed_ to do!”

_‘Please don’t let me fall in love with you.’_

  
“Says who?” Bucky exclaimed. “Natasha knows how I feel and she’s hurting you too. That’s not fair to you.”

Steve bit his lip, looking at the waste can on the other side of the room. He slowly closed his eyes, breathing loudly through his nose. “I can handle it.” Truth be told, he was terrified of what Natasha knew. If she told Bucky, well, there’d be no chance Bucky would ever come calling on him again. Bucky would see a heartless monster who had no sense of loyalty. Steve had messed up. He knew it. He’d have to live with it for the rest of his life but he wasn’t that monster. He’d just been so upset. He’d just been so… _hurt_.

Bucky threw his hands up in the air, pacing the bed. “I can’t, Steve! She’d take you away from me and– and I _can_ ’ _t_.”

Bucky sounded so broken. Tears were shining in his eyes and Steve hated how it made his stomach roll in excitement. He wanted to kiss those black lashes, lick away the salty tears and hold Bucky to him for eternity till their bones turned to dust and their memories faded into the abyss. His face softened, pursing his lips, he offered out his hand to Bucky. “C’mere.”

Bucky hesitated, looking between Steve’s hand and his face.

That unsure look that displayed upon Bucky’s face was one of the many reasons Steve found himself falling hard, heading directly for the brutal and unwavering concrete below. Bucky was pure. Damaged, but pure. He didn’t know who he was. He’d suffered a relationship that told him how he was supposed to act and what he was supposed to want. He’d never gotten to explore himself or his own interests. He was a blank canvas and Steve wanted to show Bucky all the colors that he had locked within. “Buck, seriously. C’mere.”

Bucky took Steve’s hand, letting the larger man fold him into his lap. Steve tucked his chin over Bucky’s head, rubbing his back softly with a hand, ignoring how his heart cried out desperately for how much it wanted this– for how much it already cared for Bucky. “Natasha’s just a scorned woman throwing her weight around. You can outsmart that.”

“You were with her.”

Steve winced, swallowing thickly as the memories came flooding back. Natasha had fucked him. Used his body and twisted his nerves in ravenous betrayal. And Bucky knew. It killed Steve, blackening his soul. He wanted to make this better, he wanted to do something that could erase that tone from Bucky’s voice. The tone that made him sound like this world was one he’d been put on to be alone. Steve didn’t want to accept Natasha as a client. He’d had no choice. It was accept her, or lose Bucky and he couldn’t face that alternative.

“I was caught off-guard. She found some stuff about me that I’m not exactly proud of.”

“Are you in trouble?” Bucky asked, squirming on Steve’s lap till he was straddling the man.

Steve gasped, feeling his cock twitch at the sensation. Warmth blossomed in his chest as Bucky’s fingers curled around his shoulders. He was like a child, looking at Steve with round, fearful eyes. “No, but I could be if she told the right people.”

 _‘If she tells you…’_  
  
“So what do we do?”

“Why does anything have to change?” Steve asked, his heart breaking as he continued to push Bucky away. He stroked at Bucky’s face with the back of his knuckles. Pushing Bucky away was the only thing Steve could do that protected himself and Bucky. If they went down this path, Steve knew it would be nothing but pain. Natasha would find other ways of hurting Bucky and she’d either drive Bucky away or Bucky would realize he just wasn’t that into Steve. Steve knew this story.

“Because I’m too close,” Bucky admitted, closing his eyes. _God_ , Steve loved how Bucky cried so easily. He knew it was kind of wrong or rude, but Bucky was the most beautiful crier he’d ever seen in his life. He wanted to press his lips against those eyes, taste those tears and just mutter words of comfort, not words that would bring Bucky pain. But here he was, pushing Bucky away…and uttering words of pain.

“I’m the first man you’ve ever been with, Bucky. I guess that’s to be expected. You won’t always feel this attached.”

“But what if I want to?” Bucky whispered, dropping his head on Steve’s shoulder.  
Steve held Bucky so tightly, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s middle, pulling him so close. Those words were everything Steve wanted to hear and yet he wished with all his might he’d never heard them a day in his life. He was falling. He was falling and the ground was getting so much closer. Steve smiled up at him sadly. He caressed his fingers over Bucky’s lips, laughing from his nose softly when Bucky kissed the pads of Steve’s fingers.

_‘God, do you not realize what you do to me?’_

“Don’t fall in love with me, Bucky.”

“Why not?”

Steve looked away, swallowing loudly. “Because I can’t lose another client.” Lies. Lies. All lies.

_‘Because I can’t let you hurt me.’_

“What if I keep paying?”

“That ain’t fair to you, Bucky,” Steve consoled. “If you fall in love with me, then I need to leave you. I won’t take advantage of a person’s feelings.” His fingers pressed into Bucky tighter. His body betraying his words. Bucky was so close. He was begging and pressing himself into Steve, needy and open. Steve was doing his best to deflect at each and every turn but it was becoming impossible. He wanted this. He wanted Bucky.

He wanted to take Bucky home, introduce him to Sam and some of his other friends. He wanted to show Bucky his piles and piles of art books with his stupid sketches. He wanted to cook for Bucky, to welcome him home from a rough day at the office. He wanted to take Bucky’s shoes off for him and give him a good foot rub before carrying him off to bed to make love. He wanted it.

God damn it he wanted it.

Bucky sat back on Steve’s lap, sighing in defeat. Tears slipped from his eyes silently as he looked past Steve and at the lights of Time Square below. He was such a beautiful crier…

“I’d give you anything,” Bucky pressed, feeling another tear roll down his cheek.

_‘Stop please. Stop I can’t take it.’_

“You’d get tired of it,” Steve deflected, his throat closing on itself. “Trust me. I’ve been down this road before.”

“Letting a client love you?”

“No,” Steve answered. “Letting _myself_ love a client.” He was breaking. Bucky was whittling him down, ebbing away his defenses and leaving him vulnerable. He wanted to end this conversation. He should have. He should stand up, politely tell Bucky this arrangement had to end and be on his way. He’d cry on his way home. He’d sob into Sam’s lap, but it would be better for both of them. Steve was Bucky’s dirty little secret and Natasha held Steve’s secret over his head against Bucky. It would be better for both of them if they just walked away now.

Bucky’s gaze snapped to Steve’s face, his lips parting silently. “You’ve loved a client before?”

_‘What am I doing?’_

“Mhm,” Steve hummed, resigning himself to Bucky’s curiosity. “He was a bit older than me but I didn’t mind. I thought we were in love. I’d even stopped makin’ him pay me. Some time passed and I found out he’d gotten married to another man and never wanted to see me again. Sucked.”

That wasn’t even the half of it, but Bucky didn’t need to know the gory details. He didn’t need to know how Steve pined away for Erik. How he convinced himself that Erik was just busy. He was a successful scientist, always researching, after all. The embarrassment Steve had felt– it punched holes in him, left him bitter and aloof. It destroyed his confidence and he’d nearly stopped leaving his apartment. Had it not been for Sam, Steve wasn’t sure what would have happened after that.  
Steve fell so in love with Erik and all it got him was a bounced rent check and a heart that never beat the same again.

Bucky nodded. “I can imagine.” He dropped his head on Steve’s shoulder, wrapping his hands behind Steve’s back to cup his shoulder blades. “I’ve already been married, Steve.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t again,” Steve replied. He wouldn’t hold Bucky back. He wouldn’t deprive Bucky of life for selfish reasons, no matter how he felt. “I’m not marriage material, Bucky. I can’t ask you to sacrifice that for me.”

“Do you care about me, Steve?” Bucky asked curiously.

“Yes,” Steve whispered, feeling his heart well up in his chest.

“Do you like me?”

“Bucky–” Steve couldn’t withstand this. Bucky was so close. Their chests pressed together, his legs wrapped around Steve’s torso. They were so close and Steve had never let any other client ask the terribly invasive questions Bucky got away with. But Steve lov–

No. Not yet. Not yet.

“Do you?”

Steve peeled Bucky off him a bit, cupping his face. “You’re gonna push me away if you keep asking this.” It was now or never. Get up and leave, or fall prey to this fate. Get out now and sob about it for a week, or risk destroying his life forever once Bucky decided an escort was beneath him. Now. Or. Never.

Yet Steve still didn’t move.

“I already lost you,” Bucky mumbled.

Steve’s brows rose up, his heart shattering, falling to the pit of his stomach. His breathing hitched and words suddenly didn’t exist. Bucky sounded so broken and afraid. He sounded so defeated. Steve wanted to tell him that couldn’t be further from the truth. He wanted to tell him he would never lose him.

“I’m gonna fall madly in love with you. I think I already do love you. Just not sure yet.”

_‘I can’t leave you.’_

Steve pursed his lips, nodding rigidly. Bucky wasn’t lying. If Steve had learned anything over the weekend, and he had learned a lot– it was that Bucky was always brutally honest with his emotions. He was a shitty liar anyway, but when it came to how he felt, it was written on his face, carved into his heart. Steve only needed to look and see. “And that’s why Natasha’s got so much bargaining power against you. What does she want from you?”

“She wants me to find a way to give her or Maria the partnership.” Bucky shrugged, flicking his brows up. “The only reason I honestly care is cause I can _afford_ you right now.”

Steve thought he’d have a heart attack as the muscle lurched in his chest. He clenched his jaw for a moment, swallowing roughly. Bucky was only sticking around because of Steve? It was wrong and terribly unprofessional but Steve couldn’t ignore the bubble of euphoria that floated inside him, rising higher and higher until he couldn’t take it anymore! He loved Bucky. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to go down this road again. But here he was, breathing heavily, staring at Bucky with awestruck eyes. This was it. Steve couldn’t turn back. He loved Bucky Barnes. It didn’t matter that they’d only known each other for a little over a week.

Steve had spent an intimate amount of time with Bucky, seeing who he really was and figuring him out. He’d seen Bucky rip himself open, bleeding and raw as he poured all his insecurities out to Steve. People always grew more attached to each other when whisked away to unfamiliar places, especially when they were suddenly living together.

Steve always had too big a heart. He fell fast and he always fell too hard. It was happening now and he prayed to God it would never happen again. Bucky didn’t really know if he loved Steve or not, but that was okay. Steve was going down this path again. He didn’t have a choice. He was a fool, a dumb brute who was an addict for passion and Bucky was passionate.

“The only reason you want the partnership is because of _me_?” Steve finally asked, his eyes narrowed, brows creased. His mouth hung open, lips twitching as he tried to find words that didn’t profess his irresponsible feelings for Bucky. “What’d you want to do before?”

Bucky shifted on Steve’s lap, hooking his legs behind him. “I think I wanted to be a teacher. History or something. But I can’t afford twelve thousand a night on a teacher’s salary.”

“No you can’t,” Steve agreed, smiling softly. He moved to stand up, slipping Bucky off his lap.

This was it. It was now or never. He could leave. Walk away and lick his wounds or he could drown here and now forever. He couldn’t endure another heartbreak, not the way Erik had left his. This would kill him. This would destroy Steve and leave him forever jaded and alone. But he wanted this. His bones quaked in his skin, reaching out to wrap around Bucky. His mind flooded with images of Bucky’s smile, his tears, the sound of his laugh. He was everything Steve had ever wanted in a partner. Beautiful, passionate, successful, dedicated. The list could go on and on. Bucky was confused, he was damaged but Steve loved saving people. It was part of his very nature to go above and beyond the call of duty. Steve couldn’t just let Bucky walk away now.

“Fuck, Bucky,” Steve whined. “Why’d you have to tell me this?”

Bucky shrugged. “Because I’m tired of lying to everyone?”

“You’ve paid for escorts before, what made this different?” Steve needed to know. He needed to know how fast this ride would be before it crashed and burned, leaving him mangled and forever messed up.

“I fell in love with you,” Bucky whispered.

_‘Say it again.’_

“You’re not in love with me. You just think you are.” It was a test. Steve just needed to know. He needed to see.

“Oh fuck off, Steve,” Bucky countered. “You don’t think I know what it feels like?”

“Honestly, I don’t. You’ve been with the wrong gender all your life.” He dropped into one of the plush chairs, pulling his legs up and tucking them against his broad chest. Bucky was leaping over every hurdle Steve threw at him. He was gaining the upper hand and Steve was left behind, flailing and struggling to catch up. It was tiresome this dance now. Steve knew where his mind was. It was made up the moment he’d decided to cancel on Peggy tonight. “I like you too.”

“What?”

Steve looked up, shrugging. “I like you too, Bucky. That’s why I wish you didn’t tell me. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“You like me?” Bucky asked. He crawled over on the bed, sitting in front of Steve. “Really?”

Steve gestured to Bucky with his hand. “Have you seen yourself in a suit? You make a shit ton of money, you’re sweet and I like the way you explode so easily. You’re cute when you’re angry.”

“I should be offended.”

“I just like passion. Always have. S’why I loved art so much. Why I love being an escort so much too.” And that wouldn’t change. Steve hated when people thought sex workers were desperate people who had nowhere else to turn. He hated the pity or the thought that if someone just loved them they’d stop their trade. No. Steve loved his trade. He loved what he did and he wouldn’t stop. He knew his internal timeclock was ticking. He only had so much time left before his body wouldn’t be beautiful anymore. But he’d give it all he had till then. He loved his work and that wouldn’t change.

Bucky nodded, running his tongue along his top lip. “So what do we do?”

“I hate losing clients,” Steve breathed out, running his fingers through his hair. “You know how many clients I lose cause they start saying the same shit you are?” It was true. Steve lost at least one client a month because they got too close. Usually he never felt the same and the break was always easy. But Bucky had wiggled himself into Steve’s heart with those big eyes that told Steve everything he needed to know and here he was– hopelessly addicted and in way over his head.

Bucky dipped his chin. “So I should feel privileged that you’re not tossing me out the door?”

Steve smiled, rolling his eyes. “You’re a jerk.”

They stared at each other for a moment, both smiling softly. This wouldn’t end the way Steve wanted. There’d be no real ring or Bucky getting on one knee. Bucky would find out one day he didn’t really love Steve. But till then, Steve would give him everything till he had nothing left to give.

“I’m not gonna stop being an escort,” Steve finally spoke. “So please don’t try to change me.”

Bucky shook his head. “No. Wait. Wait! What’re you doing?”

Steve’s brows rose against his forehead. Panic searing his nerves. “I’m…we’re…I’m telling you what I’m doing?”

“But why?”

Steve didn’t understand. Wasn’t this them going further with this? Maybe he’d… Oh God, what if he’d misunderstood! What if he finally came to terms with how he felt and Bucky hadn’t actually wanted this at all! “Didn’t you, I mean, hold on. What do you want, Bucky?” Steve’s brows shot up toward his hairline, his mouth dropping open in confusion.

“To date you, but still pay for you.”

Steve nodded slowly, running his tongue along his red lips. It wasn’t ideal. It wasn’t full and it certainly wasn’t real. It was an out. Bucky was keeping himself at arm’s length and Steve wasn’t sure if it was because deep down he knew Steve was an experiment or because he was too afraid to seem too eager. “You realize I’m still your escort then.”

“How about we say we’re dating.”

The chill that ran up Steve’s spine almost made him moan as Bucky spoke those words.

“I pay for you still but you never jack the cost up when I wanna see you and make me compete against another client. And I never get waitlisted, even if you’re gonna see a favorite client. I’m now your _absolute_ favorite client– who you’re also dating.”

“You’re negotiating with me,” Steve laughed, feeling relief wash over him, soothing his shot-out nerves. “Oh my God, you’re actually negotiating with me.”

“You sell yourself as a business. I respect that but I’m also selfish and stupid enough to realize that…” Bucky sighed, tossing his hands up. “I really like you. I think I love you and I wanna know everything about you. I wanna bring you home and cook you dinner. Watch movies and never see the ends to them cause we end up fucking on the couch. I wanna take you out and not worry that I’m lying to people, cause at that point you’re my boyfriend or something. Guy I’m dating. Whatever.”

Steve rested his chin in the palm of his hand, listening to Bucky. He wore a tiny smug smile. Everything he was saying sounded so perfect. Steve wanted that too. He wanted the painfully domestic life of wandering around Bucky’s apartment in one of Bucky’s shirts (that were probably too small but Steve found wearing tight shirts to be quite a good thing), cooking him bacon and eggs, humming to himself while Bucky finally rolled out of bed to give him lazy kisses. He wanted everything and anything Bucky would give him.

“Can we stop negotiating and can we please use this hotel room the right way?” Steve asked, feeling his heart spin in his chest. “I wanna take my boyfriend-guy-thing-I’m-dating-or-whatever to bed.”

_‘I don’t care if you destroy me anymore. Just fucking use me.’_

“Your boyfriend?” Bucky squeaked as Steve crawled onto the bed, pushing Bucky down to straddle him. He needed to shut his mind off. It’d gone through so many hoops, from panic, to pain to acceptance to panic all over again. He needed Bucky’s skin on his. He needed those sweet kisses Bucky gave.  
“Yeah, my boyfriend. Or that guy I’m dating. Whatever he wants to be.” Steve didn’t want to label it. It wasn’t fair to Bucky, really. Bucky didn’t even know. Maybe they’d work it out one day. Maybe they’d decide that Steve had always been simply an escort but right now, Steve would play with this illusion. He needed to get lost in it and soak up as much of Bucky as he could before Bucky finally realized what a mistake this all was.

“Really? I mean, you don’t wanna go on a date with me first?”

Steve kissed up Bucky’s jaw line, moving to nibble his earlobe. “I think I got to know you pretty well in Maine. We don’t have to do this the way everyone else does.” He slipped to the other side. Pressing kisses against Bucky’s cheek, the tip of his nose and then atop his lips. He traced his tongue over them, coating them with a shiny amount of saliva. God, he tasted so good, felt so good, _looked_ so good. “We’ll just do this the way that works best for us.”

Steve knew how this story ended, but part of him? It wanted to be proven wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> Add me on Tumblr!  
> [Click me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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